‘I feel bad for you’

Remember how I wrote awhile back about how it’s OK to assume people aren’t amputees? And that you don’t need to apologize when you realize someone is missing a limb?

This story is along the same lines.

I had just finished scarfing down a full ham dinner plus a sugar cookie, cupcake, piece of apple pie and scoop of ice cream for dessert. (It was the holidays — everyone eats like that, right?) I was sinking in to a nice food coma when my 8-year-old cousin bounced over to the couch.

“I feel bad for you,” she said.

“Why?” I responded, caught off guard.

“Because of your arm,” she said, pointing at my missing hand.

I told her that was nice of her, but she shouldn’t feel bad for me because I’m just fine. It didn’t help. She still said she felt bad.

Now, she’s still pretty young, but I’m certain there are adults that could have had the same conversation with me. Please don’t feel bad for me. I’m begging you.

Yes, I joke occasionally with my friends and family to get sympathy so I don’t have to wash dishes or help with an annoying chore. It never works with them though, because they know I’m capable of doing anything. In fact, my sister had just told my nephew that after he didn’t think I could load his toy shotgun with the foam darts. Proved him wrong.

I understand some people think feeling sorry for someone is a way of being kind. But for me, doing that automatically puts me in another category. A category that labels my life as difficult and different from the norm.

Yes, my life is a little different, but I wouldn’t call it difficult. There are roadblocks for everyone. Mine are just a little different, like not being able to open a window easily. It doesn’t mean I need, or deserve, sympathy.

As I also said before, I’m still a normal person. I get up every morning, make coffee, shower, get ready and go to work. Sounds pretty average, right?

If there’s any emotion I’d prefer to get from people, I think it’s pride. Be proud of me for managing a normal lifestyle. Be proud of me for not giving up my goal of becoming a journalist even though some people would say it’s a job that requires two hands. Be proud of me for being able to live on my own without any daily assistance.

Just, please, do not feel bad for me.